not so gentle reminders from a perfect father

Today I got a call about a loved one whose cancer came back.  The conversation was short.  I moved forward in my day, making sandwiches for children's lunches.  And before I knew what I was doing I was standing in the kitchen arguing with God and spreading way too much peanut butter and jelly on the sandwiches especially to eat in the car.

I felt very justified in my argument (don't we all).  I mean she is old; she has been through cancer already; she has buried 2 husbands and a grandchild; seen most of her grandchildren get married and have children.  She has even seen one of her great-grandchildren get married!  So what is the point of cancer?  Of course I am "smart" enough to not say God is wrong so I didn't say that.

Then it happened.  I wondered if this was how Job felt when God let him have it (Job 40-41).  God might as well have been standing in the kitchen giving audibles:  Its not about you or even  her.  Its about me and my plan.  You have no right to question me.  You don't know the big picture here and I don't have to tell you.  I make many promises to you but to share the depths of my plans I do not.  Ouch!  And then in his kindness he brought an old poem back to my mind...

When God wants to drill a man

And thrill a man

And skill a man, 

When God wants to mold a man

To play the noblest part;

When He yearns with all His heart

To create so great and bold a man

That all the world might be amazed

Watch His methods, watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects

Whom He royally elects!

How He hammers and hurts him,

And with mighty blows converts him

Into trial shapes of clay which

Only God understands; 

While his tortured heart is crying

And he lifts beseeching hands!

How he bends but never breaks

When His good he undertakes:

How He uses whom He chooses

And with every purpose fuses him; 

But every act induces him

To try His splendor out.

God knows what He's about!

While not the most comforting poem throughout it reminds that me that I may not always enjoy his hand but how I long for his ever present hand.  "Great is Thy faithfulness!  Great is Thy faithfulness!  Morning by morning new mercies I see...Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!  Great is Thy faithfulness!  Great is Thy faithfulness..."