Motherly Trials/Failures/Comedies...Not exactly sure what to call this

Sorry no pictures today but I think you will understand and thank me by the time you finish reading.  And it is long but this one takes a little time...


Last Tuesday (7/24/2012 is a day that will be hard for me to forget)  Neal was at work and I had the crew here at the house.  We were getting ready for an afternoon rest time.  Dean wanted to go potty first and as he strolled to the bathroom...

Dean: Anna Grace, you want to come and touch the smooth part?  
(As a mom I internally freaked out to say the least but outwardly remained calm.)

Me: WHAT did you just say?

Dean: I asked Anna Grace if she wanted to come touch the smooth part while I went potty.

Me: Have you done this before?

Dean: Anna Grace has a couple of times; she likes it.

Anna Grace: I have never.  I can remember everything and I don't remember that. This line is classic Anna Grace.

Me: That is part of Dean's private part and is never to be touched by anyone other than Dean when he is going potty.

Dean comes out of the bathroom and the typical "private part" conversation appropriate for 3, 5, and 6 year olds begins...again.  We discuss what are our private parts, go back over all of the names, and spend quite some time reminding them that it is NEVER okay for anyone to touch them...unless there is a problem/bo-bo and only then can it be a parent or possibly a doctor.  The conversation concluded with the friendly mom reminder "Your private parts are yours.  No one can ever touch them for any reason.  And remember they are dirty because of their important job of helping us go to the bathroom so we don't touch them either.  Except for boys when they tee-tee and then they have to wash their hands."  I decided that the rest of this conversation can wait until I am ready/willing/prepared to talk about sex...I was not last Tuesday.

I should have been a little leery when Dean responded then and said, "I didn't think the smooth part was dirty."  But I just let it slide by and said again the previous speech harping on the part where no one can touch for any reason EVER.  And the official names to make sure there was no confusion.  I could tell I was losing them so I said one last time, "Dean and Caleb's private parts can only be touched by Dean and Caleb when they are going potty and then they have to wash their hands.  And that is all.  Anna Grace never has a reason to touch hers."

Dean stopped doing what he was doing.  Looked up at me with this devilish grin, started shaking his booty and said, "Except when Anna Grace needs to go potty; then she can touch her virus!"

I turned around as to regain my composure and said, "No girls use toilet paper.  She NEVER, EVER has a reason to touch her private parts."  I wish I could say I corrected his terminology but I didn't; instead I walked away mentally exhausted.

Hours later after dinner...as if the prior events were not enough to do me in...

Dean and Anna Grace were playing at the bottom of the stairs while Caleb, Hudson and I finished eating (Neal still at work of course missing all this parental action).

Dean: Mama!  Anna Grace is touching my smooth part!

Me: WHAT!

Dean: Anna Grace is touching my smooth part.

Me (walking over to the two of them): Dean take your hand and show me exactly what Anna Grace was doing with her hand.  (I mean they were both fully clothed.  How in the world could she be doing something inappropriate?)

Dean walks over beside Anna Grace sits down and begins to stroke the soft, untrafficked part of the carpet. 

Dean (in a teary voice): SEE!  She is touching the smooth part like this and you said it was MINE.  Nobody could touch it but me!

I walked down the stairs and sat down beside him on the floor.  Mainly I needed to buy myself more time to get myself together.  There where so many things going through my head...The carpet!?  All this over the carpet!...Yeah!  We are just touching the carpet around here....Wow!  How am I going to explain this?...I don't remember exactly what I said at that moment it was something very close to: The carpet?  You wanted Anna Grace to come touch the carpet while you were going potty?  Dean, the carpet belongs to our whole family.  Anybody can come over here and touch the smooth part. Earlier I thought you were asking Anna Grace if she wanted to come and touch your penis.  Which would NEVER be okay because that is your private part."

About that time Anna Grace interjects: Oooh!  THAT is grouse I would never do that!  I would NEVER do that!

What was a mom to do...I wrapped up the conversation as fast as I could and walked way relieved, completely shocked and laughing to myself.  When Neal got home I tried to tell him the second half of the story - I called immediately after the first half because I was still freaking out a little - I could not breath from laughing so hard.  He was horrified; concerned that I had the children thinking the carpet was a private part.  Honest mistake on my part.  The boy was walking to the bathroom when he asked her to come touch the smooth part.  Over a week later I am still not sure if that infamous day at this Hatchett house is to be considered a victory, an utter failure, a comedy, or a success.  (Yes, I know saying victory and success separately is redundant but I am trying really hard to convince myself that it was actually a success.)  Wow!  All I know for sure is that will probably never happen again; thank you, Jesus!  Wow!