This morning I found myself in a precarious place with Anna Grace - our usual form of discipline is decisive, quick and effective. However, I was very frustrated so I thought it best to think of an alternative lest I discipline in anger (the battle she was pursuing while I was trying to execute discipline was making me angry).
Our choices...Choice 1: We can do this quickly my way then you can go to MDO and play with your friends. Afterward we can still go to the park with the Stubbs as planned this afternoon. ~OR~
Choice 2: You can sit on your bed until the time that MDO ends (1 pm, the current time was 8:40 am). And furthermore, when the time is up we will not go to the park.
Anna Grace chose "choice 2." I immediately began stripping her room of all dolls, toys, books, dress up clothes, everything. She was left in her room with a picture on the wall, her bed, sheets and pillow. I told her under no circumstances could she get off the bed with the one exception being our house catching on fire. She was allowed to talk and sing to herself, look out the window and sit or lay on her bed...for 4 hours.
How it went...Within minutes as expected she called me to say she needed to go to the bathroom - she thought she had found a loophole. I opened the closet door handed her a pull-up and told her to change into it go potty then take it off without getting off the bed. (Go ahead and think it if you want - you would never do that to your child but given the circumstances you just might.) I gave her a few minutes to ask any questions she could think of that had to do with this new discipline then the boys and I headed out the front door to play - AFTER I put the monitor on in her room so I could hear exactly what was going on in there. Why did we go outside to play? Simple. Her window looks out into the front yard and I wanted her to see what she was missing. After 2 1/2 hours of playing outside (with me poking my head in her room to check on her every 30 minutes or so) we came in for lunch. I brought her food to her on a tray. She sat on her bed and ate by herself. After her lunch - when she really did have to go to the potty when there was still 1 hour and 5 minutes left before she could get off her bed - I let her go potty in the bathroom but she had to go directly back to the bed. When the kitchen timer went off at 1:00 she was allowed to get up and go play with the boys after a brief discussion about why she spent the last 4 hours on her bed.
What exactly did she do while on her bed...1. She looked out the window.
2. She thought A LOT; apparently about a lot of different things. Every time I went to check on her she tried to bombard me with questions (I quickly realized there was a need to limit her to 2 questions each time). What kind of questions you may ask? Well here is an example, "Mama, I was wondering when are we going to have popsicles again? I really, really like them and you have not made any for a long time."
3. She talked to herself about what she saw outside and made up stuff.
4. She sang. As I said with the monitor I was able to hear all. I timed it; she sang the VeggieTales theme song, full out with great emotion, for 15 minutes. I considered getting the video camera and capturing this moment but figured when she heard me in the hall the moment would be over.
What did I learn...1. I learned that she does not mind spending 4 hours on her bed with nothing.
2. I learned that it was not punishment for me to keep her there as I feared it would be because her imagination is too great.
3. I learned that our normal punishment is faster and much more effective.
4. I learned that as I had suspected, therefore never disciplining her this way before now, that I really don't like this type of punishment. It may be effective for some but was a waste of time for her, literally.
5. I learned - because of our conversation after the fact - that her decision to sit there was very calculated on her part and definitely seen as the lesser of two evils. She is very smart, the little stinker.
6. I learned that when I think I can call her bluff after 15 minutes of sitting, she is tough and will patiently wait me out.
7. I learned, well, I learned a lot.
In conclusion...Anna Grace almost sassed me a minute ago but I stopped her and asked, "Did you not learn anything today?" She looked at me with the most perplexed look and said, "No, Mama, I didn't. You didn't let me go to school today. I just sat on my bed the whole time."
Apparently I am the only one who learned anything out of all of this.
Having tea in the train and grocery shopping in the store.
waiting,
loving,
all done.
all done.
